Matt and Danny at the very first sneaker city!

Yes, it’s that traditional time of year again. The “Big 5″ are headed to the Pacific Northwest for more antics, face kicks, cat shrieks, and hopefully an additional big five. But no bean tacos this time. No sir.

Stay tuned for the updates you crave.

So far California has been awesome… I never thought that Colorado would lose it’s  position as “Mark’s officially favorite state” but California is probably going to dethrone it. Everything here is almost too perfect… the cities are clean & beautiful, and the people are very friendly. The food is awesome… and best of all the terrain is absolutely incredible. There doesn’t seem to be any weeds or bugs, just beautiful landscapes. And there is definitely NO red mud (there are some pretty awesome red trees though, and grapes).  I can understand why one could become a “tree hugger” in this state. As far as tree hugging goes… I was surprised to see a lot of this:

In some ways California has been exactly what I expected and in some ways not. From what we’ve seen so far, California is not nearly as “scary” as it has been made to sound down south… I’m sure that there are some messed up people out here, but their are messed up people everywhere… people are people. California is definitely not a state you want to miss out on just because of some silly stereotypes. I’m glad we’re here.

For those of you who use Facebook we’ve uploaded some pictures to our group
The Chuck Norris Scenic Memorial Hike. For those of you who do not have Facebook, you should, and you can check out our pictures here.

So we completed our 6-mile hike through Tuolumne Meadows, a voyage filled with spectacular sights and sounds and much gloriosity. When we finally arrived at our campsite at what seemed like 2 in the morning, we found an abandoned site with padlocked bear cannisters and half-constructed building. But it was right beside a gorgeous waterfall that would provide exactly the background noise needed to “mat down” successfully. So after scouring the campsite itself (appx. an extra 12 miles of nighttime hiking) for more signs of life and perhaps finding some, we returned to the original spot and produced fire. We laid down the tarp and soon unfurled our bags and slept—or perhaps become temporarily frozen in the sub-30 temps during the night. Did I mention we chose not to bring a tent that night, and that bears are known to roam that area since not many people take this trail at this time of year?

So not too surprisingly, I woke up with one of my patented sore-throat head colds and prepared for the return journey (6 miles, remember). After grubbing some granola and Snickers and attempting to snarf down some water (which for some reason hurts like the dickens when I have a cold), I headed out with the others for more pristine views and incredibly breathtaking panoramas. After a couple miles we took a break on a bright white dome situated right beside a rolling brook with snow-capped mountains in the background. Upon completing a much-needed nap, I noticed that Danny, Mark and Paul had trekked to the top of said dome while Matt remained motionless and possibly dead a few feet away.

At this time my energy levels were surprisingly high, so I needed to take advantage of the situation. I took off on a solo mission the rest of the way, and I have to say that experiencing Yosemite for at least a while by one’s self is an experience to be savored. With so few people on the trail, much time was spent solely between nature and myself, and once again I was rendered awestruck by God’s artistry—although our group has been a bit suspicious so far by the utter lack of weeds and red clay that tends to mar our side of the country. Everything in California seems to be perfectly groomed at all times. It’s really weird actually, as if we’ve passed into the garden of Eden by taking a wrong left turn somewhere.

When I finally reached the last half mile of the trail, my legs were staging an open rebellion against the rest of me, and I could not fight back in kind. I kept repeating the mantra “one foot in front of the other” as I hovered back towards our van. When I arrived I immediately replaced my boots with sandals and drove to the nearby general store. Remember how I’m still sick and stuff? I needed Sprite, and I needed it more than air. I picked up some drugs too and did what I had to do. When I drove back the other four were just arriving, so I was spared their wrath—not that wrath isn’t a price worth paying lymon-flavored carbon water.

Today definitely delivered - we were in the bay area taking our time on the way to Lake Tahoe and we found Rick who has too be one of the coolest Californians ever. For you doubters, see the picture below:

We should say that Rick actually found us in the middle of street. He then proceeded to tell us a story about his son (while still in the middle of the street) who worked for a “mickey-mouse programming company”. After the story, which was entertaining in its own right, he shared with us “The Big Five.”

THE BIG FIVE
1) Don’t get married.
2) Don’t get a girl pregnant.
3) Don’t do drugs.
4) Stay away from cops (and he did this - he had us cross the street when he saw a cop)
5) Censored

After going over THE BIG FIVE a few times Rick took us to Uva, an AWESOME authentic Italian restaurant, that was absolutely incredible especially after only eating airplane “food” that day.

Now we’re off to Tahoe. Oh, and “Kiss me I’m dutch.”

What is Chuck Norris hiking? You’ll have to watch and learn. I can say that it is definitely macho… pretty sure that if we meet any bears/hostiles/terrorists on our trek across the wastelands of California that they will promptly receive a round house kick to the face.

Anyway, over the next 11 days you can monitor the journey of Brad, Danny, Paul, Mark and Matt as we conquer California… Chuck style. Feel free to leave us comments/suggestions…