For those of you who use Facebook we’ve uploaded some pictures to our group
The Chuck Norris Scenic Memorial Hike. For those of you who do not have Facebook, you should, and you can check out our pictures here.
So we completed our 6-mile hike through Tuolumne Meadows, a voyage filled with spectacular sights and sounds and much gloriosity. When we finally arrived at our campsite at what seemed like 2 in the morning, we found an abandoned site with padlocked bear cannisters and half-constructed building. But it was right beside a gorgeous waterfall that would provide exactly the background noise needed to “mat down” successfully. So after scouring the campsite itself (appx. an extra 12 miles of nighttime hiking) for more signs of life and perhaps finding some, we returned to the original spot and produced fire. We laid down the tarp and soon unfurled our bags and slept—or perhaps become temporarily frozen in the sub-30 temps during the night. Did I mention we chose not to bring a tent that night, and that bears are known to roam that area since not many people take this trail at this time of year?
So not too surprisingly, I woke up with one of my patented sore-throat head colds and prepared for the return journey (6 miles, remember). After grubbing some granola and Snickers and attempting to snarf down some water (which for some reason hurts like the dickens when I have a cold), I headed out with the others for more pristine views and incredibly breathtaking panoramas. After a couple miles we took a break on a bright white dome situated right beside a rolling brook with snow-capped mountains in the background. Upon completing a much-needed nap, I noticed that Danny, Mark and Paul had trekked to the top of said dome while Matt remained motionless and possibly dead a few feet away.
At this time my energy levels were surprisingly high, so I needed to take advantage of the situation. I took off on a solo mission the rest of the way, and I have to say that experiencing Yosemite for at least a while by one’s self is an experience to be savored. With so few people on the trail, much time was spent solely between nature and myself, and once again I was rendered awestruck by God’s artistry—although our group has been a bit suspicious so far by the utter lack of weeds and red clay that tends to mar our side of the country. Everything in California seems to be perfectly groomed at all times. It’s really weird actually, as if we’ve passed into the garden of Eden by taking a wrong left turn somewhere.
When I finally reached the last half mile of the trail, my legs were staging an open rebellion against the rest of me, and I could not fight back in kind. I kept repeating the mantra “one foot in front of the other” as I hovered back towards our van. When I arrived I immediately replaced my boots with sandals and drove to the nearby general store. Remember how I’m still sick and stuff? I needed Sprite, and I needed it more than air. I picked up some drugs too and did what I had to do. When I drove back the other four were just arriving, so I was spared their wrath—not that wrath isn’t a price worth paying lymon-flavored carbon water.
Today definitely delivered - we were in the bay area taking our time on the way to Lake Tahoe and we found Rick who has too be one of the coolest Californians ever. For you doubters, see the picture below:
We should say that Rick actually found us in the middle of street. He then proceeded to tell us a story about his son (while still in the middle of the street) who worked for a “mickey-mouse programming company”. After the story, which was entertaining in its own right, he shared with us “The Big Five.”
THE BIG FIVE
1) Don’t get married.
2) Don’t get a girl pregnant.
3) Don’t do drugs.
4) Stay away from cops (and he did this - he had us cross the street when he saw a cop)
5) Censored
After going over THE BIG FIVE a few times Rick took us to Uva, an AWESOME authentic Italian restaurant, that was absolutely incredible especially after only eating airplane “food” that day.
Now we’re off to Tahoe. Oh, and “Kiss me I’m dutch.”
OK… here’s a pics:
Our conversation with the cashier went something like this…
Cashier: Welcome to Taco Bell… We are out of beef.
Us (in unison): You’re out of beef?!
Cashier’s Manager: We are out of beef…
Cashier: We have steak…
Us: OK, we’ll have 4 #4s and 1 #7… with steak.
Cashier: I have 4 #4s and 4 #7s with steak..
Matt: No, 1 #7… 4 #4s…
Cashier: OK
Us (contemplative): What are we going to get on our extra taco if there is no beef?
Cashier: You can substitute steak or chicken for an extra 1.50…
Us: Substitute for what? There’s no beef anyway… can we just get the steak?
Cashier: No… it’s an extra cost to substitute steak/chicken for no beef.
Brad: Let’s substitute beans (brilliant)
Cashier: OK… we can do that… so it’s 7 #4s and 4 #7s…
Brad: No… it’s 82 #4s…
….
(snickering)
….
Cashier: OK… drive around…
That was a 10-15 minute conversation… many things were left out (including the fact that he asked for our drinks like 3 times).
P.S. Bean tacos are a bad idea…
Because if you do, you could possibly decipher the stream of annoyance emitting from our alarm clock in the hotel during all hours of the night. Also, the AC unit was abuzzin’ like some attack plane in WWII. Did we mention we consumed Taco Bell right before bed? And that we had to substitute beans for meat on our soft tacos?
Yeah, that turned out well.
What is Chuck Norris hiking? You’ll have to watch and learn. I can say that it is definitely macho… pretty sure that if we meet any bears/hostiles/terrorists on our trek across the wastelands of California that they will promptly receive a round house kick to the face.
Anyway, over the next 11 days you can monitor the journey of Brad, Danny, Paul, Mark and Matt as we conquer California… Chuck style. Feel free to leave us comments/suggestions…